Imagine.

Imagine if your mental health didn’t effect your day to day life.
Imagine if you could separate what your mental illness was telling you what you actually knew.
Imagine if your MENTAL health didn’t control your every thought.

Imagine how much easier life would be.

I honestly wonder every single day what it’s like to be someone that doesn’t have to fight through negative thoughts or thoughts of dying or skipping meals on a regular basis. I wonder what it must be like to not look at myself and wonder if what I see if real or not. I wonder every day what it must be like to go to bed and not wonder if i’m going to wake up and be okay or wake up and struggle to function.

Everyday is a struggle. Everyday is a battle within my own mind. I consistently push people away due to the idea that they don’t deserve the kind of life that i live already. I push them away in fear of becoming a burden. I push them away when things get bad, instead of opening up to them.
I either sleep too much or not enough. I put every ounce of my energy into specific things in order to have control over my thoughts and life.. and sometimes it’s a one track mindset and it ends up pushing people away. I convince myself that things aren’t getting bad again until I’m at the point that I can’t even function and i’ve pushed so many people away that i’m alone.

But trying to explain things to people. Trying to explain to people the things that go through my head on a regular basis is one of the most difficult things. If someone hasn’t lived with a mental illness, no matter what I do to try and explain it.. they don’t understand. Trying to explain to someone what it’s like to live with a mental illness, when they have never had to live a day or a week with that mindset is equivalent to trying to teach a fish how to climb a tree.

Imagine what it would be like if more people could understand.
Imagine what it would be like if your mental illness didn’t control your entire life.
Imagine what it would be like if you could go off of your routine and not feel like a failure.

Imagine how much easier life would be..
If you could just be okay with no fear of getting it bad again.

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One thought on “Imagine.

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