Over the past year I’ve been seriously thinking about competing. Thinking about the amount you have to push yourself to new limits both mentally and physically is extremely appealing to me. Maybe it’s the idea of something new to compete in, or maybe it’s that so many people ask me if i’m currently prepping. With so many people around me prepping for shows and asking me about doing one, it’s constantly in the back of my mind. What it would be like to prep or step out on stage. What it would be like to spend so many weeks putting yourself through it in order to step out on stage.
So whats holding me back?
If i’ve thought about this for so long… what’s holding me back.
I consistently tell myself that it’s too expensive and that I can’t walk in heels. That I don’t have the right body type … etc. But in all honesty none of these things are true. There are always ways to make money… there are always ways to learn how to walk in heels and to learn how to pose properly. The right body type? That part is just ridiculous.
But putting yourself through so much mental and emotional struggle in order to step on a stage and have people judge your body… that part gets me. That part really makes me think about whether or not it’s a good idea for me.
Reverse dieting terrifies me.
I’ve read so many different things about people ending up with a variety of different eating disorders post competition.. and it terrifies me to the point that i continue to push it aside.
I’ve heard of so many people coming off of shows that end up with eating disorders and it’s scary to think about. If I’ve already dealt with so many different issues related to body image and eating then that could be a huge trigger. That could set me back and put me back to where I was before. Physically — yes I could handle it for sure. Mentally — I’m not so sure.
I’ve started working with a coach that has helped me so much with the mental aspect of cutting again. A coach that is consistently pushing the benefits of self love. He’s helped me realize so many different things and has helped me become more confident then I have ever been… but does that mean i’m ready to do a show? Or is it just simply a step in the right direction to actually living my life.
Should I compete?
Or should someone with a history of an eating disorder stay away from competing?
There are so many different views and opinions on the topic that I’m at a place where I’m not really sure what’s best for me. I’ve always thought that competing wasn’t for me.. but i’m slowly starting to change my mind and see that there might be a chance for me to excel in the sport of bodybuilding.